I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
