oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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