R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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