is your mom at the bar?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
