I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
