Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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