i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
