i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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