We named our party play list daddy issues
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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