kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
birth control should be required to get into college
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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