just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
