When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
