I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
