cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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