Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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