so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
