she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sarcasm needs its own font
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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