Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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