Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am midnight drunk by noon
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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