I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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