My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
