i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize