She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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