suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
