I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
