My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
