Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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