There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
