You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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