Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
