"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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