I'm jealous of your bromance
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
