Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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