I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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