is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
