What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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