Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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