I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
