I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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