People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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