Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
