He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
