I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
