Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize