You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
