"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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