My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
