don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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