oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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