he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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