Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
