look no pants
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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