...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
