I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
