I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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