i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
two words...techno handjob
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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