Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
