i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
