the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize