Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
well I can't set my house on fire every night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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