Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
