My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
