Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
