We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
