I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
