I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
