Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
