I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
