Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want her autograph on my taint
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
