Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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