I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize