My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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