If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
