idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
