happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
