I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
