I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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