plz talk dirty to me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
