I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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