3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
