It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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