alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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